The Name's King, Just King
by Vriell the Black Knight
Summary: Jin Kazama is having trouble tracking possible assassins, so instead of hiring someone inconspicuous, he hires the guy in the Jaguar mask. Xiaoyin, King/maybe?
1. Prologue: KAZAMA WANTS

A/N: I do not own Tekken, Bandai/Namco does.

Ah yes, when bombs start to drop and a member of the Mishima Bloodline starts to go insane, you know that another King of the Iron Fist Tournament is coming. There's been five so far and this latest announcement would make it six. Six tournaments who strangely enough only managed to attain more fighters than lose some to the passage of time, but we don't like to question what the higher up is thinking for the great god Au-Thor knows all. I am very close to a god though, might attain it soon enough when I can CONTROL MY DAMN BODY!!!

Yes, thats right, Jin Kazama, head exec. of the Mishima Zaibatsu was stuck in a deep cell inside of his own body, and the worst part? Definitely the view. Jin knew the devil inside him always liked fashion magazines for some strange reason and now that his hair is completely in his eyes, he knows why. At least the devil had a sixth sense that he used instead of sight, or his image of tough, no joke manager would go down the drain like he almost did the stairs a couple of seconds ago.

"Damnit, could you at least get this hair out of my eyes, its really frustrating not being able to see anything out there. I long for any color that isn't jet black right about now." Jin mentally told the Devil.

"I see," the devil responded, pausing to let his pun sink in. Jin would have punched him in the face, but that would result in several stares and a self-inflicted broken nose. He definitely couldn't have that with the new tournament coming up, what would Xiaoyu think of him then? The devil complied to Jin's request which led to a small happy dance in the deep recesses of the aforementioned fighter's head, at least that's what he thought.

"Master Kazama, may I be allowed to ask why you are currently dancing on the dinner table?" an elderly butler looked up at Jin with a stoic face. His twitching eyebrow betraying his exterior.

"Uh," Jin stood on the table for a couple more seconds before replying, "I believe we should hold a gala before the tournament." _Good cover wait.....shit._

"Do you believe thats a good idea sir, over 40 fighters gathered in one room. Remember most of them are here for the prize money on your head."

"That's only a slight problem Woolsworth, if we get all the fighters here, then maybe I can see how tough the competition is going to be."

"For one my name isn't Woolsworth, and two; there are proffesionally trained assasins, a cybernetic ninja, a two lunatics with jaguar masks who probably use steroids, robots, and not to mention two generations of Mishima who desperately want to eat chilled Jin brains for the main course."

"Never fear Walter, I have a couple aces of my sleeve," Jin tried to do his best knowing smile which somehow turned into the copyrighted Hannibal-Lecter grin. Somewhere in the world, Anthony Hopkins felt a sense of pride swell in his chest.

"Please for the love of the great god Au-Thor, never do that again. Also my name isn't Walter either, we have giant name tags with twenty font because Heihachi was experiencing early onset Alzheimers from all those beatings he took in the last five tournaments."

"I don't mull over petty matters such as this Watson. I have a gala to plan and I still have to pick out my clothes, which reminds me. On the back of the box it does say something about fully customizable characters does it not?"

"All I see is this girl's codec number, and- Wait! No Jin, you are not going to tell those poor people what they have to wear, knowing your sick head you're going to make Xiaoyu come in that School uniform and have Baek bring that damn cat of his, no. And if I see King in a speedo, I swear to Au-Thor I will kill you!"

"KAZAMA WANTS CUSTOMIZABLE CHARACTERS!" Jin stamped his food on the dining room table causing it to shatter while Jin fell flat on his back looking up at his company with a pout.

"Ugh, dealing with Mishimas is like taking care of a five year old, I swear. Fine, you can tell them what to wear but nothing too perverted or my partnership with you is finished."

"Hmm, well I have to get on that right away if I want to get all of them done by October 27th. Would you mind helping me Wallace?"

"For the love of!!!Ok calm down, deep breaths. For one; I am not a man, I'm a woman, and two; I'm Nina WILLIAMS, you're hired assassin and personal body guard. The butler you were talking to replaced himself with this Mokujin you see standing next to me." Jin looked to the right of Nina and saw the Mokujin looking quite enthused for a block of wood.

"Well that was unexpected," Jin said to himself while still on his back, "But now I'm hungry. KAZAMA WANTS FOOD!!!"

Nina could only sigh at this. She once respected the man but there was something about the Zaibatsu. Not only did the person running it turn into a tyrannical leader who only wanted more power, but it seemed that the leader must also be quite insane in order for the company to function properly. She had reports of the last time the Zaibatsu was run by a very sane family man who was as honest as that one American president with the top hat. It turned out that the company not only went through bankruptcy but the soldiers all went to mental facilities for varying psychological disorders. Note that this all happened in one day as that was how long Heihachi had left on vacation.

"Okay, what does Kazama want to eat?" Nina sighed out. She had to go through this every single day. She might feel guilty for never being a mother to Steve, but if this is what it would have been like, she would have probably hired her sister to kill him.

"KAZAMA WANTS A HAPPY MEAL!!!"

"Okay, we'll go get you a happy meal," with this Nina took Jin's hand and led him to the personal helicopter they would take to the nearest McDonalds in Japan.

A/N: Okay another Tekken parody fic. This one is going to be a parody of Tekken 6 even though I have yet to get my hands on it and it has not been released in America yet. Until then Jin won't act like he's five all the time, I just needed some humor to come from him in this prologue chapter since a lot of the humor later will probably come from King. King is often neglected in most fanfics because his story is too standalone which is why I'm using a parody in order to put him as an important character in a Xiaoyin fic. Also, I love Tekken because I cannot find a character that I absolutely hate like in other fighting games, so I am not bashing anyone, only using them for humor. Tell me if you like this idea or if its too overdone for me to stick my nose into. Also to whoever came up with the "Great God Au-Thor" thing, I don't know who you are so if you're offended by this tell me.


	2. Stretchy Pants of Manhood

There comes a certain time in every boy's life when he must don the stretchy pants of manhood and take down an oversized gorilla. For King, that time had already come and the gorilla was actually capable of intelligent conversation as he had spoken to him after defeating him. A very honorable animal actually, then again he did resort to flinging excrement after the conversation was over so maybe he was mistaken. For those of you who were wondering, I am talking about a literal gorilla that the Jaguar kid met in the jungle searching for the Armor King imposter. If you thought I was talking about Craig Marduk, King's rival-turned-partner, he is currently getting his ass handed to him by Armor King.

"Rawr, rawr rawr growl?" King asked the beast while hiding behind a tree. It might be cowardly, but do you really want to be covered in gorilla poo....I didn't think so. The gorilla didn't answer but it did run away. After pondering why for a second King peeked around the tree to find himself face to face with an actual jaguar. It seems King's growling attracted a mate, there was no possible way this could end well.

* * *

Nina was calmly eating her chicken nuggets while Jin was playing with his Happy Meal toy. She sometimes wondered how this man who used to carry himself with an air of dignity bordering arrogance reversed his mental aging and became a five year old in a thirty year old's body. Then again, she also wonders how she was able to hold a sibling rivalry using weapons that shouldn't even exist yet. You don't question providence, but when it lands you as secretary the most hated man on the planet, making you a possible target, you start to wonder.

"Okay now that I've been fed I-"

"Don't you dare say you need a diaper change. I am not your baby-sitter." Nina would later find out that her contract did state in exact words 'you agree to become a baby-sitter should there be any unexpected events within the Kazama household',

"I was actually going to talk about the tournament. I think we need a sleeper agent inside of the tournament itself. Someone who is sure to not only win, but not take the company from right underneath me. A hired assassin maybe."

"Well you know Jin, its been a long time since I've picked up the Walther but-"

"Quiet Nina I'm trying to think. Okay that Raven seems pretty good but he's already working for someone else. Your sister is an excellent assassin but she's working for the G corp. Why couldn't you follow in her footsteps, this would've been much easier then."

"This is just getting ridiculous. I'm the assassin, she just wants me dead."

"Nina, just because your jealous of your sister doesn't mean you have the right to believe she wants to tear you limb from limb. Now, what about Lei, no he's still a cop and I highly doubt anyone who works for the law would find my money worthwile. Probably because the police department knows I pay in Monopoly money, all other currency is overrated."

"I hope you're kidding, there's no way anyone would accept Monopoly money as a form of currency."

"Nina, I think you're forgetting that I practically rule the world. Monopoly money is the universal currency of the Jin Empire."

"How did you manage to create an empire, much less name it after yourself?"

"That's in the past. Ah! I've got it, I know who will be my spy, it was right in front of me all along."

"I'm glad you've finally recognized my acceptional abi-" Jin then reached over the assassin and grabbed the Tekken toy that he was playing with earlier.

"I shall hire Elvis to enter the tournament." Nina decided it was time to gape at Jin and his stupidity.

"You cannot be serious. You may have the most current technology known to man, but you cannot raise Elvis from the dead."

"Wait, Elvis is dead? He was in the last tournament. He even called himself the king."

Nina then looked down at the toy Jin held in his hand. It was indeed a cheap plastic replica of the iconic wrestler King, with different types of jaguar sound effects. "You mean King, the wrestler with the Jaguar mask. How could he possibly be your spy, he doesn't even speak besides the occasional growl."

"Thats only because you can't understand Spanish."

"I know 12 different languages, he does not speak Spanish. I don't even know if he's going to enter the tournament this year, it's not like he has a good reason-" Her speech was cut off by the sound of Jin's cellphone. He picked up the contraption and held it to his ear while putting on his serious face.

"Who's calling?" he asked cooly. His only reply was several roars on the other end of the phone line.

"Umm I think I misunderstood you. Did you say to come rescue you from a pack of jaguar females who are desperately trying to take away your innocence?" Nina could only stare in horror as Jin horribly mistranslated what were definitely King's roars.

"Oh, and a gorilla is chasing you trying to pelt you with his bodily waste. And your friend Marduk got pretzeled by Armor King. Well you see I have a proposition for yo-"

"ROOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!"

"Okay no need to yell, I'll be over there in a second," Jin closed his phone and looked to Nina, "Quickly to the Tekken Copter!"

* * *

King was currently hiding inside an Aztec temple. It was now that the Jaguars had calmed down that he wondered why he called a man he barely knew who lived in Japan, to come and rescue him in Mexico. He wasn't afraid to admit that he could sometimes just not think at all. Take now for example, he was standing on the sacrificial altar on the very top of the temple, in plain view of the lustful Jaguars who were very adept at climbing. Thankfully the Tekken Copter appeared out of the thick forest with Nina over the side throwing him a rope.

"Roar?" King stared at the slick rope. This was the rope the Zaibatsu used when exiting the helicopter, it would have no use to him whatsoever.

"Jin, why in the hell didn't you give me the rope ladder!?" the assassin yelled over the turbines.

"Oh sorry, I only heard rope. Here's the ladder." Nina snatched the rope ladder out of his hands and threw it down to King, who took it right before the jaguars pounced.

"Come on King climb up." Nina yelled to the wrestler who started scaling the ladder. Once he had reached the helicopter, he reclined on the wall next to him, still panting from the experience. Jin took this opportunity to talk to King.

"So, I understand you want to join the King of Iron Fist Tournament 6."

"Rawr!" King rejected. He never wanted to have anything to do with the tournament again.

"I'll be able to give you the revenge against the fake Armor King I know you desire."

"Growl growl roar roar rawr growl." King did want revenge, but he had gone through enough emotional turmoil after deciding not kill Marduk at KOTIF5, he really didn't need any more of this.

"Then you leave me no choice. I'll let you wear a tuxedo."

King's eyes instantly widened, a feat that scared everyone in the helicopter including the Devil inside of Jin (masks aren't supposed to do that are they?). The wrestler immediately put his hand forward for a handshake which Jin immediately returned.

"This is the start of a beautiful friendship"

Nina could only sigh as she took her "happy pills"

A/N: yay, a second chapter in record time. King is in here now and more character are going to come around probably in chapter 4. For those of you who don't know, In all the official releases King wears a Jaguar mask. Cheetahs and leopards look similar and are easily mistaken with the graphical limitations of the earlier games but he wears a Jaguar mask while Armor King wears a Melanistic (basically black) Jaguar mask. It's easy to see that Jin, King, and Nina are going to be the main characters for this story and its going to revolve around King both fighting in the tournament and acting as a spy getting to know as many of Jin's opposition. until next time, I'm out.


	3. I Can't Drive

"Okay, now King, as an agent of the super secret Mishima Zaibatsu-"

"Roar?"

"Okay maybe not so secret, but you get my point. As and agent of the Zaibatsu, Jin has made it his duty to equip you with everything that could possibly blow your cover." Nina looked toward the showroom floor and saw the Aston Martin DBS which no Japanese person had. Imagine what they would think when they saw the wrestler who still gave most of the money to the orphanage he came from roll in with this machine. She could only sigh, if this were her job, she would walk. King's eyes widened when he glanced at the car, and Nina was still incredibly frightened of the prospect. He immediately ran over to it and gave it a huge hug. She could already tell there were going to be no problems getting him to drive it.

"Jin, I need to ask why you gave him this car. He's going to be driven by limo to the fighting arenas like everyone else."

"Well you see, since he's my super secret agent, I thought he could do a little grocery shopping as well, maybe bring some girls to the mansion just for- OW! okay maybe not. But I still need him to show up in style, he does work for me after all."

"The whole point of having a secret agent is for no one to know he works for you."

"I believe your theory to be incorrect. King, do you agree with Nina?" King knew what the assassin said was true, but there was no way he was going to pass up this Aston Martin. It may completely blow his cover but at least he'll be able to go out in style. There was only one problem...

"Roar roar, growl, whine."

"Oh, don't worry we'll make you a driver's license. It'll even have secret spy written across it so you can show off to your friends."

"Jin, I don't think King is going to have any friends who'll appreciate your kindness. He'll literally have secret agent written all over him by the time your done with him."

"I'm going to start ignoring you now. Okay King, remember this is no ordinary car you're driving. There are two fully automatic machine guns that appear out of the headlights. They have 50 caliber rounds so just spray and prey, you'll eventually decapitate something."

"What is he possibly going to do with those. Jin, he's a spy not an assassin, he's not going to kill anyone for you that's my jo-"

"Also the passenger side has an ejector seat just in case you're in a sticky situation or the chick you picked up is constantly nagging. Trust me it helps."

King couldn't think of any uses he might have for the machine guns, but with friends like Marduck, the ejector seat comes in handy.

"Moving on, we have also replaced the trunk with four nuclear warheads, if you absolutely need the job done."

Words could not explain the looks on King's and Nina's faces. They couldn't even make sounds, King actually forgot how to breathe and passed out on the spot, while Nina still stared blankly at the devil before her.

"And exactly who's idea was that?"

"It was actually Julia's, she gave me some toxic waste in the mail and assumed she kindly gave it to me for developing biological weapons. She's very thoughtful about things like that. I couldn't just take it so I had to give her something in return."

"What did you give her?"

"I gave eight sharks with lasers on their heads."

"Wait how did you get them to her?"

"I used Fed-Ex, they're quick and easy."

"Did you put the sharks in water?"

"Yeah, I put it in a separate package since it cost me less."

Julia's Office

"NOOO. WHYYYY!!!???" Julia cried as she was delivered eight shriveled up sharks with lasers on their heads.

She then received another package in the mail that was oddly wet.

Back With Jin and co

"That was one small detail that I missed, I mean who automatically knows that you have to package fish with water?"

"Just never mind, help me carry your secret agent, He's almost 300 pounds of pure muscle and I very well can't lift him up by myself."

"Fine," Jin replied tiredly while lifting the wrestler onto his shoulder like a sack of potatos.

A Couple Hours Later!!!!!

King woke up in a daze, wondering if he was still dreaming. he turned to his left and saw Nina in a sexy nurse costume taking his heartbeat, yeah he was dreaming. Knowing this was only a dream King let himself check the assassin out for once. Sh did have a nice body after all and...why is Jin in this dream?

"Roar!" King complained, there was no way he was going to have a fantasy he didn't know about be ruined by the man with the monopoly money.

"Oh, he's awake, I told you the expresso injection would wake him up right away."

"And I believed you, but why do I have to wear this uniform?"

"Because there hasn't been any fanservice in this particular piece of fiction yet, unless you're into beastiality. If so, you need much more help than I do."

"Roar?"

"Oh that's right, Nina, show him the modifications we made to his mask."

"ROAR!?" King reached up for his face to find his Jaguar mask still on.

"Don't worry, I convinced him to modify another one, so we decided to go back to Mexico and track down the tribe that gave the original King his mask."

"Roar?" It may not have been pointed out clearly before, but Nina has absolutely no clue as to what King is saying. She is mentally sane and therefore cannot understand his language. Jin has been serving as a translator for most of his stay, but she could often tell what he was saying because of his body gestures.

"It was easier than I expected."

Flashback...

"Hello, is there anyone here?" Nina yelled into the darkness. The room lay barren except for the dead bodies strewn about and the jaguar masks that had belonged to them, "I'm just going to take this from you for right now okay?"

End Flashback....

"On to the features Nina!"

"Okay okay, don't rush me Kazama or you won't get any dinner tonight."

"I know how to cook."

"yes but you like to cook in the nuclear power plant where you think the delousing center is a shower and the boiler room is a huge microwave, you killed more than half your staff the last time you decided to treat them. The only reason you didn't die too was because you got a call from X-umphh"

"my superiors and they told me I had to leave, but on with the features!"

Nina gave him a cold glare before starting, "This mask that I'm holding here has several features that your mask probably doesn't. First off, it has night vision and heat vision, along with standard binoculars for those far away targets."

King had an amused look on his face, no matter how many times he would do that, it would still give the Devil inside of Jin nightmares.

"Next is this headset inside of the mask, it will allow us to communicate with you, and comes with a hearing aid allowing you to hear up to 50 yards away. It'll come in handy even though I don't know how its going to work. A man in a jaguar mask isn't exactly my idea of inconspicuous, plus your large build makes it hard for you to hide behind objects."

"Rawr?"

"No King I'm not calling you fat, it's just that you have so much muscle mass you dwarf dumpsters. That's why we can't hire Marduck as your partner, which reminds me, you're going to have a partner on this mission."

"Roar, rawr growl roar?"

"Well, it's not exactly who you would expect it to be seeing as we have a couple problems so..."

"Roar, roar growl?" Nothing could possibly surprise him anymore.

"Jin pulled some strings and hired Sergei Druganov as your partner."

Druganov entered wearing his standard issue SPETSNAZ uniform. His cold blue eyes bore into King's false ones.

"Crap!" Jin exclaimed as he looked Druganov up and down, "Why didn't it state on your report that you were blind?"

Druganov just stared coldly at Jin, it was enough.

A/N: Yay another chapter done, I wanted someone who's mostly silent to be King's partner. It was originally going to be panda, but that had errors since it would mean that Xiaoyu wasn't looking for him and would ruin some other major plot points for the story. Just remember this is a parody of Tekken and James Bond so there's going to be a lot of references which would seem out of place unless you've seen the movies, or read the books, so just a word of warning.


	4. Day Off

Nina was cuddled up on the couch with her blanket, hair a mess, watching romantic comedies and whatever else happened to come on. This was her one day break, the only day she was able to be away from the insufferable Jin Kazama and all the rest of the world. Most people would go to the tropics and play beach volleyball in skimpy bikinis on their days away from their bosses, but Nina was no ordinary woman. She decided that staying at home and being cozy was the best way to escape the tortures that the man-child-devil made her endure. But, as she was thinking about what a great day this would be, she remembered that she didn't have her own home, and that she only had a small room in the Kazama Manshion. This meant that she was, in fact, currently cozing up with Jin's baby blanket which she had stolen from him, and the couch was actually King who was passed out on the floor. As for the romantic comedy, Jin was currently trying to convince Xiaoyu not to come to the Iron Fist tournament this year.

It was going to be a great day.

King opened his eyes, barely being able to make out where he was. He could not remember anything from last night except that Druganov had become his partner, after that everything was a blur. King felt the hangover weighing him down, he could barely move his chest, but at least it was warm. Believing that he was hungover, and not being able to see Nina lounging on him while eating popcorn, the jaguar decided to go back to sleep.

Nina had felt only the slightest rumble from King, but luckily he fell back asleep. Jin was apparently having no luck with the Chinese schoolgirl as he was rubbing his temples while on the phone. No one else could faze him but her. Maybe it's because she's the only one that can make him act sane, otherwise he will annoy everyone to death. Now however, is not the time to think of this as it is her day off.

"I wonder what else is on?" Nina asked herself as she turned over on King's chest. She was greeted with the sight of a barren room, it appears that Druganov had put everyone to sleep and stolen everything in the room. He was not a thief, but he definitely loved comfort as he had put the entire living room set inside his little bedroom. Then again, Nina couldn't really complain, King's massive muscles did wonders for her back. For a brief moment, she wondered if the Jaguar kid had earned his name because his massive frame was equivalent to a king-sized mattress.

"Wow King, your first one-night stand as a spy. I'm so proud of you," Jin sniffed wiping a tear from his eye, "It seems like only yesterday I picked you up in my helicopter and now here you are with my deflowered assistant lying nude against your chest."

"Rawr," King said lazily, too groggy from all the vodka Druganov gave him to move. He didn't even care that a woman was supposedly lying nude on top of him, right now all King wanted was aspirin.

"Jin, this is my day away from you, can you please leave?" Nina asked as she got up, revealing her purple tanktop and loose gray sweatpants that made up her pajamas.

"Oh right, your day off, well since we're in the living room, we might as well watch TV," Jin said sitting down on King's thigh reaching for the remote. Nina kicked him but he didn't move from that spot.

"You know, this kind of defeats the purpose of being away from you," Nina tried, but Jin had just now discovered that there was in fact no television in front of him.

"Hmm, this is strange. The TV is apparently stuck on the 24 hour wall channel. Whatever, we'll just use the projector."

"I don't know what's worse, the fact that you have a projector in the living room, or that there's actually a 24 hour wall channel," Nina said sarcastically. Why wouldn't he just leave her alone, couldn't he be out being evil or playing with his My Little Pony collection. But alas, poor Nina was unaware that Druganov had also stolen said ponies and was currently having grand adventures with Rainbow Bright.

Once the projector turned on, the three were greeted with the sight of a strangely penis-like object. "The new Tornado personal massager, always displaying our ads for sex toys at inappropriate hours, on inappropriate channels," screamed the television. Jin turned to Nina with a massive grin, to which she replied (strangely enough) with a deep blush. King cocked an eyebrow at her, which sent shivers down Devil Jin's spine. _Make him stop, make him stop_, was all Jin could hear in his head.

"I get lonely ok?" Nina tried to save face, but Jin just grinned even wider at her. In order to save her dignity, Nina buried her face into King's neck fur, which meant that he could no longer turn his head to watch the television. Thankfully Nina was incredibly light or else he would have been suffocating by now.

"...Breaking news, apparently the president of the free world was kidnapped this morning. Apparently no one knows where he is, of course it can't be that hard to find a huge panda, but then again, with most of the population unable to see color due to a recent meltdown at a Mishima reactor, it could indeed be a long search," Nina gave Jin a disapproving look, to which he replied by sticking his tongue out. Very mature

"Roar" King said from his spot on the floor.

"Yeah, I'm hungry too. Hell we haven't actually had any breakfast yet. Nina, make me a sandwich."

"Jin, this is my day off. You know what, why don't you go treat yourself to a nice dinner, maybe with Xiaoyu or something." Nina desperately wanted him gone, she needed some rest from this man.

"That sounds like a great idea. I'm gonna take the Tekken Zeppelin!"

"Jin, what's wrong with just taking the car?"

"Are you kidding me, have you seen gas prices? I'll take highly combustible hydrogen over that any day," Jin decided to leave right then, and Nina decided that it was now a good time to relax. She was now sprawled over King's body with the blanket on top of her. King, being hungry and desperately needing a glass of water tried to get up, only to be met with Nina's glare.

"No no King, stay down and be my bed. This is my only day off and you're still on duty so your first assignment is to stay there and let me sleep on you." King fell back down in defeat. This woman was not going to let him get up, even if it was to eat. He resigned to pulling up the cover so he could cover up as much of his exposed torso (which wasn't already covered by Nina Williams) and tried to sleep, which was made even more difficult when the assassin nuzzled her face against his furry neck.

_Yes this is going to be a very long day,_ thought King trying to blow loose strands of blonde hair out of his mouth.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long guys. Wow this was a horribly long Hiatus, especially for one that I had so much enthusiasm for. I just hope I haven't lost all of you to the passage of time, and I really wish King would be the star of more fics. But anyways, hopefully I can get more ideas soon so you don't have to wait as long. Please review people, it is true that reviews, especially well thought out ones, make it easier to write. It would help if you guys had suggestions too, as I think I might be loosing the random funniness that I had in the first three chapter. Tell me guys, it's killing me.


	5. Nina, King, and the Golden French Fries

"You know, you're really good at this. Why don't you just set up your own massage parlor and make money that way?" Nina said as King was currently kneading the stiff muscles on her back. God this woman was tense!

"Roar," King said. He really didn't thing he was that good at this, but she had fed him so he felt obligated to at least do this. After Nina tried to sleep, she found that she couldn't because of her stiff muscles. She decided that she would make King a sandwich in exchange for a massage.

"Oh that's right, and if you tell Jin, I'll throw you back in the forest to get ravaged by those Jaguars." King sighed, no wonder she was so stressed all the time. He couldn't complain though, that sandwich was delicious and his hangover disappeared immediately following its consumption. What King didn't know was that a special bond now existed between him and Nina. In ancient lore it was theorized that when a woman made a sandwich for a man, a bond would be made upon its consumption that would last throughout their lifetimes. Until very recently a proposal for marriage was made by the woman who offered her suitor a sandwich to forever tie them together. This is also the reason that women were always delegated to roles in the kitchen, as they had to know how to make the perfect sandwich in order to live a successful life with their partner. Of course nobody knows about this, and the few who do believe it to be sexist nonsense. However, King and Nina now shared a bond more powerful than the devil gene, yet they were completely unaware.

"Rawr, roar roar. Growl roar," King stated wondering if Jin was indeed going to at least give him some French fries when he came back. He couldn't be that cold hearted could he?

"I'm pretty sure he won't. Once he starts eating them he won't stop. You should see him at the meetings."

Flashback…

"Alright mister Kazama, as the new head of the Mishima Zaibatsu I'll need to inform you of some of the… I would very much appreciate it if you would stop eating and pay attention sir," Remus narrowed his eyes at Jin, who was currently helping himself to some fries from the local McDonalds.

"Never mind that stuff. It's not important, I'm effing rich, I can do whatever the hell I want. Now I'm gonna start small, since I don't want to abuse my power. First I want all of Japan to be inducted into the Jin Empire, then-" Jin was rudely interrupted by Frank.

"Sir, you can't just spring up and make an empire. I know the Tekken force is big but you're pushing it."

"Aaaand," Jin continued without taking, "We will sneak across the Great Wall and take China, therefore inducting it into the great Jin Empire."

"Sir," Frank interrupted again, "We're on the other side of the great wall. We could probably just send some boats and we could have our men there in around an hour."

"KAZAMA WANTS TO CLIMB THE GREAT WALL!"

Everyone in the room sighed, "fine we'll climb over the great wall."

End Flashback…

"Rawr?" King asked.

"Yeah that didn't have anything to do with the French fries at all, but still take my word, he will not save some for anybody. He even has a secret fry making machine in the depths of this mansion that's guarded by a whole bunch of random booby traps," as Nina said this, King perked up considerably. This could only mean one thing, and there was no way it could end well. "No King, don't even try it. Many have gone down there and tried to retrieve it, no one has ever come back."

"Roar, roar!" King said triumphantly, not letting something as petty as certain death bring him down. He was going to get those French Fries, even if it killed him. Nina was disappointed that her sandwich was not enough, but then again, there was no way some ham and cheese would satisfy his huge physique. She decided that she needed to accompany him on this mission. This was definitely not the way she wanted to spend her day off, but she actually wanted some fries too. This would also give her some time to think of more ways to make sandwiches, she didn't know why she felt she needed to make more, but she just…needed to.

"Alright King, let's go get those damn fries."

Inside the Temple of the Golden Fries…

King and Nina jumped out of the way of the giant axe that had fallen from the roof. The room really was booby trapped to the utmost extreme (and stereotypical) standards. First spikes, then a huge pit, then poison gas, and finally a giant axe. Seriously who made these things? Nina glared at her partner, who could only give her a 'whine' in apology. The idiot who designed this gauntlet put the pressure plates on the ceiling, probably in a misguided attempt to seem clever. King, with his massive frame, managed to press all the plates, resulting in at least six near death experiences. She was not amused.

"Just, don't touch anything, or move for that matter," Nina sighed, hoping the poison gas hadn't made her hair friz up, "I need to check our location first."

As Nina scanned the area, King felt the sudden urge to look up. What he found would forever shake the foundation of Tekken as a whole. Hwaorang was currently hanging in a net, looking rather thin but still alive. He looked as if he were trying to say something, but King could not hear him at all and decided to completely ignore him. The Korean fighter had probably tried to sneak into the mansion, but instead was trapped in Jin's ridiculous contraptions. Seriously, is this what happened when you become rich and bored at the same time? Does everything have to become an elaborate plot just to get to the bathroom? King would never know.

"Roar." King stated, pointing Nina up to the starving Hwaorang.

"Eh, I don't know how to get him down from there. He's Jin's rival anyway, shouldn't we just let him die?" Nina looked over to King only to find him glaring at her. "Ugh, fine, we'll get him down." She looked up at the net and decided that the best way would be the easiest way, shoot him down. She pulled out her sniper rifle and cut the rope in just one shot. King made a note to not piss the assassin off too much.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Hwaorang screamed as he fell over thirty feet to the ground. For you metric folk that's a little under ten meters. Ouch.

"Roar, roar rawr." King said, looking for any signs of life from the man lying on the floor. So far there were none.

"Yeah, now that I think about it, that was definitely a bad idea. Oh well, he's probably dead, we should move on."

"Growl," King said, moving towards the body.

"Fine, I guess we'll check. If he's dead, we're gonna feed him to Kuma." King gave her a scared look before turning his attention to the lithe fighter. His muscular structure had slimmed up ever since he got stuck in the net, now he was desperately struggling to get up. Once Nina reached him she checked his vitals.

"Yeah, he's definitely dead," She stated, King looked to her side and saw the Korean reaching out to him. Nina turned around and kicked him in the face, effectively breaking his nose and knocking him out. "Like I said, he's definitely dead." She looked at King, who stared back at her with determination in his eyes.

"We're going to take him aren't we?"

"Roar."

"Fine, but you have to carry him." She huffed, trying to look mad. However, in her purple tanktop, matching sweatpants, and My Little Pony slippers, she only succeeded in looking absolutely adorable.

"Purr," King smiled as he hefted up Hwaorang and ruffled Nina's hair. They only needed to pass through this next chamber, and the French fries would be theirs for the taking.

King walked up to the altar, looking for any possible traps he could set off. Finding none, he wondered what the point of this room was. The small alter in the middle of the room seemed to be completely plain, until King noticed the light etching carved in the stone that read 'Press Here'. King, always one to give inanimate objects the benefit of the doubt, decided to set Hwaorang down on the altar so he didn't have to stay there and press down. A large rumble permeated the relative silence of the chamber, followed by a large crash. Small rocks cascaded down the slope that had opened after pressing the button. They appeared to have been part of a rather large boulder that had eroded over time. This place just sucks. At least this was the last trap. King signaled Nina to follow him up the corridor where they encountered a door.

"Should we open it? What if it's another trap?" Nina thought, her hand already on the doorknob.

"Roar," King shrugged, she opened the door only to be greeted by the sight of a busy McDonalds kitchen.

"What the hell! All this just to get to McDonalds, I thought this was going to be an epic restaurant with French fries made of gold or something. Seriously, we could've just got in a car and drove here," Nina yelled into the busy kitchen, yet no one seemed to notice. King just walked out of the kitchen and up to the register.

"Roar roar, rawr. Roar, grrrrrrrr, roar," King ordered, wondering if he missed anything. There was no such thing as too much French fries. After sitting down, Nina jumped into his lap and pulled her hair over her shoulder.

"You still need to finish my massage."

King again started kneading the tense muscles on her upper back, enjoying the sensation of Nina relaxing into him. Yeah, this was a great job.


End file.
